TEKA TEKI LAWAK

1) Jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk, jilat-jilat bila dah basah baru cucuk

2) Banyak-banyak bas, bas apa yang pandai

3) Banyak-banyak mi, mi apa yang boleh makan ngan ais

4) Kenapa anjing kencing angkat sebelah kaki

5) Apa perbezaan lampu stadium ngan lampu bilik

6) Apa binatang, badan kecik macam semut tapi mata besar "bulb" mentol

7) Mana lagi tua, motorsikal ke kereta?

8) Kangkang peluk, kangkag peluk, bila dah dekat climax pegang buah

9) Ahmad bin Abu, kambing bin apa?

10) Bagaimana nak bezakan ikan betina ngan ikan jantan?

Jangan lihat jawapan nya dulu















ini jawapannya:-

1) Masukkan benang dalam jarum

2) Bas sekolah lah, the only bas pegi sekolah

3) MILO AIS

4) Sebab kalau dia angkat dua kaki, dia jatuh sebab tulah dia angkat
sebelah aje.

5) Lampu stadium kalau ada 'game' dia pasang, tapi kalau lampu bilik ada 'game' dia padam

6) Semut yang matanya BENGKAK

7) Motorsikal......sebab dia pakai tongkat

8) Panjat pokok kelapa

9) Kambing binATANG

10) Ikan betina - ikan duyung, ikan jantan - ikan bakar, mana ada pompuan nama BAKAR

FAIL PIX

Cat of THE WEEK

Joke of the Week

Calling all maths freaks....prove the logic...

The mum is 21 years older than the child. In 6 years from now the

mum will be 5 times as old as the child.

Question : Where's the father?

Solution :

The mum is 21 years older than the child, therefore;

M = C + 21

In 6 years from now the mum will be 5 times as old as the child.

M + 6 = (C + 6) x 5

Hence,

C + 21 + 6 = (C + 6) x 5

C + 27 = 5C + 30

-3 = 4C

C = -3/4

The child is -3/4 years old, it'll be born in 9 months.

Right now, the father is on top of the mother

~hua3~

Another Video For You...


-Gay Fight..NOT!!!-

Another Mad Tv craziness untuk santapan korang..Aku baru je tengok video nih..Agak kelakar la jugak..Berkisarkan dua ekor nigger yang actually gay dan masing mula-mula taknak mengaku ke'gay'an mereka..Kalau aku explain detail kang dah jadi spoil pulaks...So,korang layan suddeehhh..



~HUAHUA~

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Sakit jiwa

Seorang lelaki sakit mental menganggap dirinya adalah
jagung dan terlalu takut dengan ayam. Jika ada
ayam itu, dia akan lari puntang panting karena
menyangka ayam akan memakannya.
Akhirnya, lelaki itu dimasukkan ke rumah sakit jiwa.
Setelah beberapa bulan, doktor pun
melakukan ujian ke atas lelaki itu bagi mengenal pasti
apakah dia telah pulih ataupun tidak.

Doktor : Adakah
kamu tahu siapa diri kamu sekarang?
Lelaki : Ya doktor.
Doktor : Siapa kamu sebenarnya.
Lelaki : Saya ini manusia doktor.
Doktor : Ya. Kamu bukan jagung?
Lelaki : Bukan, saya manusia doktor.
Doktor : Kamu takut dengan ayam?
Lelaki : Tidak doktor.
Doktor : Hmm..bagus. Nampaknya kamu dah sembuh.
Lelaki : Tapi doktor, saya ada satu pertanyaan.
Doktor : Apa dia?
Lelaki : Ayam tahu tidak saya ini sudah berubah jadi
manusia.
Doktor : "??$$??"

~sape suke tungking ayam???~

Another Video For You!!!

Can I have Your Number???

Bob si roomate aku telah memperkenalkan aku dengan video ini..Dahla aku ni agak meminati video dari mad tv nih... Apa lagi,aku pon layan jela dengan harapan aku akan gelak tonggang terbalik di hadapan laptop aku ni ha..Tanggapan aku memang betul doh..Aku gelak tak hengat after tengok video nih..Bob yang dah berulang kali tengok video ini, merelakan sajalah kegilaan aku..So,aku nakla share kekelakaran (entah ada ke tidak word nih!!!)video ini dengan korang..So, aku harap korang akan enjoy tak hengat after tengok video ni ye...Singkirkan segala kefaktapan hari-hari korang dan bergelak ketawa sebentar ye..

~Enjoy~

Joke of The Week

One Last Wish

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.

The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No-think of another wish."

The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally,he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women.... know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment.... know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'.... know how to make them truly happy...."

The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four?"

~Heheh~

Another Video For You!!!

Deal or No Deal Parody

Aku jumpa video ni dalam Youtube masa layan all Mad TV episodes..Dalam banyak-banyak episode Mad TV yang aku tengok,aku rasa video ni adelah yang paling kelakar tahap giler baban laaa...video lain just kelakar je tapi takde "baban" factor sampai menyebabkan aku kena post video ni and share dengan korang...Video ini mengisahkan tentang seorang negro bersama seorang rakannya yang tidak kurang ke"negro"annya bermain game Deal or No Deal..Aku bajet korang semua tau gameshow terbabit kan??Berkenaan dengan mamat negro dua ekor nih,mereka adelah tersangatla bangang and kelakar nak mampos masa bermain dalam gameshow nih.Sampailah menyebabkan si Pengacara naik hangin and fedap (pengacara dia pon kelakar nak mati jugaks)...Seronok untok ditonton setiap hari..So,aku harap korang have fun dngan video ni k..Pape komen,hamburkan saja dalam peti komen ye..hehe



~Enjoyyy~

Joke of the Week

Guilty Pleasure

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."

"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

To which he replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."

Subject: Cikgu B.M Dah Jadi Gila.. :-)

Murid : Selamat pagi, Cikgu.

Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja?

Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?


Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam Cikgu!


Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata
selamat
sejahtera!


Senang dan penuh bermakna.


Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.


Murid : Selamat sejahtera Cikgu!


Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik.


Hari ini Cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan.


Bila Cikgu sebutkan perkataannya,


kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat,


lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?


Murid : Faham, Cikgu!


Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.


Murid : (senyap)


Cikgu : Pandai!


Murid : Bodoh!


Cikgu : Tinggi!


Murid : Rendah!


Cikgu : Jauh!


Murid : Dekat!


Cikgu : Keadilan!


Murid : UMNO!


Cikgu : Salah!


Murid : Betul!


Cikgu : Bodoh!


Murid : Pandai!


Cikgu : Bukan!


Murid : Ya!


Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!


Murid : Oh Hamba!


Cikgu : Dengar ini!


Murid : Dengar itu!


Cikgu : Diam!


Murid : Bising!


Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!


Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!


Cikgu : Mati aku!


Murid : Hidup kami!


Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!


Murid : Akar lama tak tau!


Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!



Murid : Rajin kami belajar Cikgu!


Cikgu : Kamu gila!


Murid : Kami siuman!


Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!


Murid : Kurang! Kurang!


Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!


Murid : Belum! Belum!


Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?


Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!


Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!


Murid : Oh! Mengalah!


Cikgu : Kurang ajar!


Murid : Cukup ajar!


Cikgu : Habis aku!


Murid : Kekal kami!


Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!


Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!


Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!


Murid : Belum, pandai!


Cikgu : Berdiri!


Murid : Duduk!


Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!


Murid : Kami dengar KEADILAN betul!


Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!


Murid : Cerdik kami tu!


Cikgu : Rosak!


Murid : Baik!


Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!


Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!


Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)



p/s:Lama tak dengar lawak ni..mengimbau memori sekejap..hehe

~Layankan jela~

Joke of The Week..




Deaf sex


Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time. "The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis ... fifty times"


~Lala~

Joke of The Week

The Daily Loving Couple's Routine

For a woman:
8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed; freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants....open presents--expensive jewelry chosen by thoughtful partner
9:15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil
10:00 Light work-out at club with sexy, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, makeup application, shampoo, blow wave
12:00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe
12:45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notice that she has gained 22 lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends; unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist; card is from "secret admirer"
4:15 Massage from strong but gentle hunk; says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body
5:30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe
7:30 Candlelit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers
10:00 Hot shower---alone
10:50 Carried to bed; freshly ironed, crisp, white linen
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

For a Man
6:00 Alarm
6:15 Blow job
6:30 Massive, satisfying shit while reading the sports section
7:00 Breakfast; steak and eggs, coffee, toast. All cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot
7:30 Limo arrives
7:45 Several beers en route to the airport
9:15 Flight in personal Lear jet
9:30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club; blow job en route
9:45 Play front nine; 2 under par
11:45 Lunch; steak and lobster, 3 beers and a bottle of Dom Perignon
12:15 Blow job
12:30 Play back nine; 4 under par
2:15 Limo back to airport; several bourbons
2:30 Fly to Bahamas
3:30 Late afternoon fishing expedition with nude, all-female crew who all bend over a lot
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234 lbs) on light tackle
5:00 Fly home; massage and hand job by naked Elle MacPherson
6:45 Shit, shower, and shave
7:00 Watch news; Michael Jackson assassinated
7:30 Dinner; lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits
9:30 Sex with three women, all of whom have lesbian tendencies
11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing beer
11:30 Night-cap blow job
11:45 In bed, alone
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11:51 Laugh yourself to sleep

A Dog Named SEX!!

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When i went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then i said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then i said,"You don't understand. I've had Sex since i was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When i married and went on my honeymoon, I tokk the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that i wanted a room for my husband and me, and a sepcial room for Sex. He said "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem."

One day i entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why i was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the competition. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hope to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal any more."

When my husband and I separated, we went to court for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before i was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please." Then I told him after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me, too."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4a.m?" I told him that i was looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday.

~Peace ~

The David Blaine's Parody

Episode 4

Haha..Sorile lambat sket ngepos episode 4 ni..Aku cutila beb aritu..Sori aaa.. Takpela kn..yang penting aku tetap menyajikan kat korang episod yang ke seterusnya ini kepada korang sebagai santapan rohani,rosnani dan onani korang..ehemmm...So,di episode ni akan ada kejutan yang korang takkan expect pun..First time aku tengok pon agak terkezut jugakla hendaknye...Tapi aku takkan spoil and cerita kat korang...Nak tau kenela nengok sendiri ye..huahua..Yang pastinye,si dua ekor mamat tu takkan menghampakan korang dengan lawak "F" words kegemaran dorang tu.hehe..So aku harap korang enjoyla episod yang ke sekian kalinya ini ye....

~LAYAN~