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Sunday, December 21, 2008

A Dog Named SEX!! brows.gif

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When i went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then i said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then i said,"You don't understand. I've had Sex since i was 9 years old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When i married and went on my honeymoon, I tokk the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that i wanted a room for my husband and me, and a sepcial room for Sex. He said "You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Funny, I have the same problem."

One day i entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why i was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the competition. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hope to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that cable is all over the place, it's no big deal any more."

When my husband and I separated, we went to court for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before i was married." The judge said, "The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please." Then I told him after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me, too."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4a.m?" I told him that i was looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday.

~Peace icon_rolleyes.gif~


"Pepek Semerbak"

Aku terjumpa lah gambo produk ni dalam internet...Alangkah terkezut bapak bila aku mengamati nama produk ini.."PEPEK SEMERBAK" keluaran syarikat yang tak begitu terkemuka di indon,"GERMINEX"...Mula2 aku ingat ni produk pembersih peribadi wanita ke hape,tapi rupan-rupanye ni adelah pewangi closet dan juga kamar mandi seperti yang tertera di botol produk terbabit...nama produk itu telah membuat aku sangsi apekah maksod sebenar PEPEK di negara mereka (indon)..Apekah maksodnye "pencuci"??Aroma???Bau-bauan???Apepon,nama produk ini telah membuat aku gelak seround dengan kuatnye...Terima Kaseh Pepek Semerbak!!!!!


~HAHAHA~

Hi all,

Not sure if this wan came out....too much to go thru...sorry in advance....

Turkey: So, what is my future?
Fortune Teller: You'll be migrating to a warmer climate.

Turkey: How warm?
Fortune Teller: 350C

Forwarded Mails (Might be offensive to some)

When I was born, I was given a choice - A big
d*** or a good memory.
I don't remember, what I chose.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter
from the condom factory.

A wife is a sex object.
Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next
to the best thing on earth.

There are three stages of sex in a man's life:
Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity is not dignity, its lack of
opportunity.

Marriage is the only war where you get to
sleep with the enemy.

A couple just married were happy with the
whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with
the Thing......

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives !!

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your
burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: " Billionaire"

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha!!

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or
my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humor.

Sorry for the long list....just spicing up the day...
Have a great one everybody... icon_rolleyes.gif

Countdown of 10 famous Spoken Language!!!




10. French Number of speakers: 129 million
Often called the most romantic language in the world, French is spoken in tons of countries, including Belgium, Canada, Rwanda, Cameroon, and Haiti. Oh, and France too. We're actually very lucky that French is so popular, because without it, we might have been stuck with Dutch Toast, Dutch Fries, and Dutch kissing (ew!).
To say "hello" in French, say "Bonjour" (bone-JOOR).

9. Malay (Indonesian) Number of speakers: 159 million
Malay-Indonesian is spoken - surprise - in Malaysia and Indonesia. Actually, we kinda fudged the numbers on this one because there are many dialects of Malay, the most popular of which is Indonesian. But they're all pretty much based on the same root language, which makes it the ninth most-spoken in the world.Indonesia is a fascinating place; a nation made up of over 13,000 islands it is the sixth most populated country in the world. Malaysia borders on two of the larger parts of Indonesia (including the island of Borneo), and is mostly known for its capital city of Kuala Lumpur.
To say "hello" in Indonesian, say "Selamat pagi" (se-LA-maht PA-gee).

8. Portuguese Number of speakers: 191 million
Think of Portuguese as the little language that could. In the 12th Century, Portugal won its independence from Spain and expanded all over the world with the help of its famous explorers like Vasco da Gama and Prince Henry the Navigator. (Good thing Henry became a navigator . . . could you imagine if a guy named "Prince Henry the Navigator" became a florist?) Because Portugal got in so early on the exploring game, the language established itself all over the world, especially in Brazil (where it's the national language), Macau, Angola, Venezuela, and Mozambique.
To say "hello" in Portuguese, say "Bom dia" (bohn DEE-ah).

7. Bengali Number of speakers: 211 million
In Bangladesh, a country of 120+ million people, just about everybody speaks Bengali. And because Bangladesh is virtually surrounded by India (where the population is growing so fast, just breathing the air can get you pregnant), the number of Bengali speakers in the world is much higher than most people would expect.
To say "hello" in Bengali, say "Ei Je" (EYE-jay).

6. Arabic Number of speakers: 246 million
Arabic, one of the world's oldest languages, is spoken in the Middle East, with speakers found in countries such as Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Iraq, Syria, Jordan, Lebanon, and Egypt. Furthermore, because Arabic is the language of the Koran, millions of Moslems in other countries speak Arabic as well. So many people have a working knowledge of Arabic, in fact, that in 1974 it was made the sixth official language of the United Nations.
To say "hello" in Arabic, say "Al salaam a'alaykum" (Ahl sah-LAHM ah ah-LAY-koom).

5. Russian Number of speakers: 277 million
Mikhail Gorbachev, Boris Yeltsin, and Yakov Smirnoff are among the millions of Russian speakers out there. Sure, we used to think of them as our Commie enemies. Now we think of them as our Commie friends. One of the six languages in the UN, Russian is spoken not only in the Mother Country, but also in Belarus, Kazakhstan, and the U.S. (to name just a few places).
To say "hello" in Russian, say "Zdravstvuite" (ZDRAST-vet- yah).

4. Spanish Number of speakers: 392 million
Aside from all of those kids who take it in high school, Spanish is spoken in just about every South American and Central American country, not to mention Spain, Cuba, and the U.S. There is a particular interest in Spanish in the U.S., as many English words are borrowed from the language, including: tornado, bonanza, patio, quesadilla, enchilada, and taco grande supreme.
To say "hello" in Spanish, say "Hola" (OH-la).

3. Hindustani Number of speakers: 497 million
Hindustani is the primary language of India's crowded population, and it encompasses a huge number of dialects (of which the most commonly spoken is Hindi). While many predict that the population of India will soon surpass that of China, the prominence of English in India prevents Hindustani from surpassing the most popular language in the world. If you're interested in learning a little Hindi, there's a very easy way: rent an Indian movie. The film industry in India is the most prolific in the world, making thousands of action/romance/ musicals every year.
To say "hello" in Hindustani, say "Namaste" (Nah-MAH-stay).

2. English Number of speakers: 508 million
While English doesn't have the most speakers, it is the official language of more countries than any other language. Its speakers hail from all around the world, including the U.S., Australia, England, Zimbabwe, the Caribbean, Hong Kong, South Africa, and Canada. We'd tell you more about English, but you probably feel pretty comfortable with the language already. Let's just move on to the most popular language in the world.
To say "hello" in English, say "What's up, freak?" (watz-UP-freek).

1. Mandarin Number of speakers: 1 billion+
Surprise, surprise, the most widely spoken language on the planet is based in the most populated country on the planet, China. Beating second-place English by a 2 to 1 ratio, but don't let that lull you into thinking that Mandarin is easy to learn. Speaking Mandarin can be really tough, because each word can be pronounced in four ways (or "tones"), and a beginner will invariably have trouble distinguishing one tone from another. But if over a billion people could do it, so could you. Try saying hello!
To say "hello" in Mandarin, say "Ni hao" (Nee HaOW). ("Hao" is pronounced as one syllable, but the tone requires that you let your voice drop midway, and then raise it again at the end




The Night My Ass Should Stay Still

19hb Disember 2008,10.30pm

Iji...Mari ah tgk movie,cito Keanu Reeves wooo~~cito the day the earth stood still!!!Dgr kato sdap cito tu..mari ah tgk wei!!!takdok life la mung ni...Tula kata2 trakhir adi carlos kat aku, mencadangkan aku agar tgk wayang dengan beliau..cerita yang dimaksudkan dia tu dah seminggu ditayangkan..tgk trailer pun cambest je.Tapi actually aku ada plan tersendiri nak tengok cerita ape nanti and the movie is "YES MAN!!" lakonan Jim Carrey,pelakon idola aku sejak kecik lagi..So demi sahabat terchenta,aku korbankan jela hasrat aku nak tengok cerita Jim Carrey...layankan jela diri tengok cite The Day,The Earth Stood Still..

Movie tersebot start pukol 12.15am mlm tu jugak dimana kitorang gamble kan diri kitorang nak beli tiket on the spot.."kalu tadok tiket,kite g karok!Don't worry lah!!!",berkata adi untok memberikan semangat kepada aku and aiman yang juga turut serta dalam ekspedisi kali ni. tapi budak aiman ni bertuah sebab adi blanje dia,upah format laptop adi katanye..Menunggu masa nak tengok wayang,kitorang pergi dinner dulu and after that kitorang straight pergi ke GSC dataran pahlawan,masa sampai dah pukul 11 lbh...

Fuh!!!Ada lagi tiket..byk lagi...tapi aku dah rasa suspicious apesal sikit je org layan cite blokbaster ni???ke ni cite blackbastard ekk???Alaa...maybe sebab dah seminggu kot,orang dah abes tengok pon,kita je yang lambat sangat..Ermm,tula kata2 yang memotivasikan aku walaupon aku tengok orang ramai sedang beratur menunggu nak tengok citer Yes Man!!!Sabo jela weii... Kitorang pon enter the hall..

Seat kitorang kat blakang and tengah...dalam panggung tu memang bole dikira brape orang yang tengok cerita tu,tapi actually aku lagi suka keadaan yang tak crowded..nak tengok movie pon boleh fokus sket..Tak gitu..Cam biase lepas iklan 5minit,movie pon start la..Aku menaroh harapan tinggi kat cerita ni...JANGAN BAZIRKAN RM10 AKU!!!!!!

Tapi after 2jam cerita tu dimainkan...aku pun berjalan keluar sambil menyumpah seranah...adi wat muka selamba and aiman wat derk je..HAMPEH siot cerita tu..Masa awal and nak menuju pertengahan cerita bolehla tahan,tapi towards the ending and resolution cerita tu tahap ampeh...
Faktap tol...harga tket mahal tapi cte cam faktap.MEMBAZIR RM10 je tau tak!!!That Night, My Ass Should Stay Still in the house...Menyesal aku...huhu..Tapi next week aku akan tengok gak cita YES MAN!!! bagi mengobati ati aku yang tengah faktap lagi sampai skang...

~Warrrgggghhhhh!!!~

Thursday, December 18, 2008



Jokes of This Week Goes to.......Ah Beng!!!!!



Ah Seng wants to make love with Ah Lian but he is afraid that Ah Lian will get pregnant, so he approaches his friend Ah Beng for advice. Ah Beng said "Aiya, very easy one lah. Nah, take this packet of condoms and follow the instructions, nothing will happen one." So Ah Seng takes the condom and at night makes love with Ah Lian. Two months later, Ah Seng comes to look for Ah Beng and tells him that Ah Lian is pregnant. "Cannot be what, did you follow the instructions or not?" asks Ah Beng. "Na -bei! Got lah. The box says "Stretch the condom over organ before intercourse, I got no organ, so I stretch it over my piano loh."

=======================================================
Ah Beng to a long-distance telephone operator:
"Could you please tell me the time difference between Taipei and Las Vegas?" Operator: "Just a minute......" Ah Beng: "Thank You," and puts down the phone.

=======================================================

At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells
the bartender," JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks," AND YOU, SIR?" Ah Beng replies:" Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED."

=======================================================
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on quite for some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY FIVE MONTHS TO DO IT," Ah Beng brags. "FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG," the friend exclaims. "YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies," NO LAH, SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7YRS, LEH!"

=======================================================
Ah Beng took part in the Singapore Manhunt
Competition. During the Q&A segment, the host asks, "Name a drink that begins with the letter 'G'." The crowd shouts, "Gin! Gin!" Others exclaim, "No it's Grape Juice!" Another smart aleck yells, "Alamak, Gatorade!" Host: "Quiet please." Ah Beng laughs hysterically like a hyena before replying, "C'mon man, you think I need your help? I got more original answer: Guni!"(cow milk in Hokkien).

=======================================================
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using
it when he encountered some problems. He decided to use the 'Help' command. After some tries, he became irritated and called the computer retailer for support. Ah Beng:" I pressed the 'F1' key for help...but it's been over half an hour and still nobody has came to help me???" Computer Retailer:...............

=======================================================
In an English class:
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?" Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother." Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?" Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents mean cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay and Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo. So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo (KPKB)." Teacher fainted...............

=======================================================
Ah Beng with his two red ears went to his doctor. The
doctor asked him what happened to his ears and he answered," I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring loh but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear. So kena loh!" "Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But...what happen to the other ear?" "Aiyah! That stoooopid dumbo called back!"

=======================================================
Ah Beng and Ah Seng rent a boat and fish in a lake
everyday. One day, they caught 30 fishes. Ah Beng said to Ah Seng," Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, Ah Beng asked Ah Seng," Did you mark that spot?" Ah Seng replied," Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat," Ah Beng said," You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today !?!?"

=======================================================
Ah Beng and Ah Seng exited and locked the car in a
hurry, forgetting to remove the key which was in the ignition. Realizing the mistake, Ah Beng asked," Why don't we get a coat hanger to open it?" "No, that won't work," answered Ah Seng." People might think we're trying to break in." Then Ah Beng suggested," What if we use a pocket knife to cut the rubber, then stuck a finger in and pull up the lock?" "No," said Ah Seng. "People will think we're too dumb to use a coat hanger." The "kan cheong" Ah Beng shouted," We better think of something fast. It's staring to rain and the sunroof is open!!!"

=======================================================
Ah Beng serving his NS overseas and far from home, was
annoyed and upset when his girl Ah Lian wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them to her with a note stating the following: "Regret cannot remember which one is you............... please keep your photo and return the others."

=======================================================
Once Ah Beng , Ah Seng and Ah Lian went for dinner at
the Compass Rose at the top of the Westin Stamford . After dinner, they went to the lift scanned the buttons and couldn't find the button for the first floor. Ah Beng suggested taking the stairs but Ah Lian decided to press the lift button "G". They found themselves on the first ground and Ah Beng remarked, "Wah, you so smart, ah. How did you know this was ground floor?" Ah Lian replied ," Aiyah so simple you also dunno! G: stands for gero loh!"

=======================================================
One evening, Ah Beng and Ah Lian went to a lounge and
requested the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Lo Ti" (Ah Cheng buys bread). The DJ told them they only played English songs and asked them to request another song. They were upset and complained to the manager that the DJ was insulting them. After many hours of calming them down, the manager found out they were actually requesting the Righteous Brothers song, "Unchained Melody".

=======================================================
Ah Beng and Ah Seng went to a hawker centre. Ah Seng
noticed the hygiene grades issued by the Ministry of Health pasted at each stall and asked Ah Beng, "Eh, the 'A', 'B', 'C' and 'D' stand for what ah?" Ah Beng snorted and said, "Aiyah, this sort of thing you also dunno! 'D' stand for 'delicious', 'C' stand for 'can eat', 'B' stand for 'buay sai' (cannot) and 'A' stand for 'Alamak'!"

=======================================================
Long time ago, a rich Singapore tycoon wanted to know
how happy a man could be if he was given one wish. He paid three people to test out his experiment. The rules were: 1. Each person could only have one wish. 2. They will be left on a deserted island for 30 years. 3. Food, but not liquor would be provided. The first contestant, Billy Clinton (USA) asked for 30 prettiest PLAYBOY centerfolds: "So I can make the most beautiful babies in the world." The second contestant, Jon Major (UK) said, "I want 30 years' supply of booze." The last contestant, Ah Beng (Singapore) said, "I want 30 years' supply of Saa-lim (Salem) cigarettes so I can smoke until I song-song." 30 years later, the three contestants came back for a press conference. Billy had with him 200 children and 30 estranged women. He remarked, "It has been a long sexual experience for me and was wondering whether anyone care to buy a child. I will even throw in the mother for free!" Jon, hanging on to a bottle of beer, was suffering from a hangover but he managed to utter these words. "God save the Beer! The Queen can drink seawater." The last contestant, Ah Beng, hugging onto cartons of Salem shouted, "Ni na beh! Buay kee gia lighter!!!" (@#$*! Forgot to bring lighter!)

=======================================================
Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he could swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help. Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady lah!" and "Awright, man!" were among any congratulations shouted. Ah Beng looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")

=======================================================
Ah Beng joined a quiz show and was asked to a name
three fruits whose names begin with "A". Ah Beng immediately said "Apple...Apricot..." then he was stumped. After a while, he finally shouted triumphantly, "Ang Mor Tan!"

=======================================================
Ah Beng ordered a pizza and the waitress asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

=======================================================
How do you make Ah Beng laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

=======================================================
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Ah Beng looked skyward and said, "Where, where got?"

=======================================================
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

The David Blaine's Parody




Episode 4

Haha..Sorile lambat sket ngepos episode 4 ni..Aku cutila beb aritu..Sori aaa.. Takpela kn..yang penting aku tetap menyajikan kat korang episod yang ke seterusnya ini kepada korang sebagai santapan rohani,rosnani dan onani korang..ehemmm...So,di episode ni akan ada kejutan yang korang takkan expect pun..First time aku tengok pon agak terkezut jugakla hendaknye...Tapi aku takkan spoil and cerita kat korang...Nak tau kenela nengok sendiri ye..huahua..Yang pastinye,si dua ekor mamat tu takkan menghampakan korang dengan lawak "F" words kegemaran dorang tu.hehe..So aku harap korang enjoyla episod yang ke sekian kalinya ini ye....


~LAYAN~







Karaoke a.k.a Karok


Music is my life…punyela obses aku kat lagu sampai tak boleh tengok orang lain ada lagu yang latest and best dari aku..Mula lah jeles and try carik lagu yang lagi latest and lagi best untuk mengalahkan orang itu.tapi kalau lagu dia latest tahap lusa tapi tak sedap, hawau ko kelaut la…gua tak kesah pon woi!!! bukan dengki beb..Tapi memang adik beradik dengki pon..Ditambah pulaks dengan passion aku kat lagu tu sendiri..Ape yang aku merepek ni????Sepatotnye aku nak story pasal karaoke or KAROK (term yang digunekan oleh belia zaman skang)..Aku kat Melaka adalah hantu KAROK dimana KAROK boleh dijadikan sebagai terapi untuk aku and geng hantu yang lain untuk menenangkan hati yang serabot,sedih,tension dan juga sebagai alternative untuk mengisi slot di hari minggu…(time ade duit la!)


Wei kitorang manela main karaoke tahap jamban weii..Dah tak musim dah karaoke kat dalam jamban..Wat malu kaum je karaoke kat situ. Bagi sesiape yang baru menapakkan kaki dalam arena karaoke boleh la beb.. Tapi bagi gua and geng hantu yang lain,kitorang dah senior dalam arena ni..Kitorang baru je setahun berjinak2 dalam industri ni..hehe(cakap bajet best je kn?kn?) Hotspot karaoke aku and geng will be kat Jetty Selat Melaka..Perghhh layan beb melalak kat sana…Lu nak korbankan anak tekak, halkum and sendi tengkuk lu bole wat..Bilik dia memang kalis bunyi..So, pekerja disitu takkan dengar keluh kisah dan penderitaan korang semasa melalak didalam. Manela tau time tu tgh frust bercinta kn,nak jerit sampai bisu pon takpe, ianya dihalalkan..So,disitula kami akan berkampung selama 2 jam menyanyikan lagu – lagu kegemaran kami..LAYAN….


Tapi spot ni mahal beb!!!Kalau tak abes rm40 keatas memang tak sah…Nak murah boleh je tapi masa hari biasa la,siang plak tu… Manela layan karaoke siang-siang…tak pontianak and langsuir la camtu…Nama pun hantu kan?kan? hehe.pastu beverages dia mahal tahap gaban..Mineral water yg 350ml berharga rm4 and air berkarbonat gelas kecik rm5..Gua and geng memang plan nak seludup air je pasni..wat sakit hati je!!!Tapi bila nyanyi…semua bukan jadi isu lagi… Tak nampak pun kemahalan semua, just bila dah keluar baru start sumpah seranah… Itulah kami geng KAROK…Ni dah nak start semester kami geng bas sekolah,Eh! Terkhilaf plaks…Kami geng karok memang dah plan nak start balik aktiviti kami. Woi kampong aku kat kelantan manela ada karaoke…Memang tahan gian jela,menunggu masa je nak lepaskan gian ini…


~JETTY!!!!Tunggu Kami!!!!~




Semester Baru = Azam Lama (tapi di update)



Semester baru bakal tiba!!!!!Dengar kata subjek – subjek pun makin tough tahap The Rock dengan Azwan Ali atas katil (???)…Gua pun dah goyang ni..Kalau ahli politik dah lama lompat parti.. Gua nak lompat course???Manela boleh wei!! TESL for life maa..gua mula belajar berjalan, berdiri and jatuh kat TESL…(metafora je woi..jangan ko ingat mak aku beranakkan aku kat kampus lak!) Tough mana sekalipun aku face je…Asalkan aku tau benda tu bukan karnivor or kanibal..hua3..


Ape aku melalot ni woi!!! Maybe efek makan panadol dengan coke ni…huahua..Bersempena dengan semester baru yang bakal tiba ni, aku nak update balik azam aku yang tak tercapai last semester…Kita manusia merancang je tak gitu Cik Rosnah??? Tuhan je menentukan..Masalahnye dah 3 semester aku guna azam ni tapi still tak menjadik pon..Sipi-sipi je lor..huhu. Tapi okla tu..at least kita ada aim, goals , and tujuan dalam hidup kan??? Aku pon taknakla hidup aku pointless je.Umur pun da nak meningkat tua ni…cewwahhh!!! Ada 3 azam aku untuk semester ni..


1st aku nak pastikan aku lebih focus dalam kelas and makesure attendance 100% kali ni..Last semester focus and kehadiran aku kekelas pn da improve kepada 95% berbanding masa 2nd semester…Kalau aku wat daily roster dah cam poyo lak kan? Dah cam Tikus makmal lak nanti..Aku plan nak control social activities aku and lebihkan masa kat benda yang lagi berpekdah…Bau cam poyo je…Alaaa…nama pun azam kan? Hehe.Ok,tula 1st azam aku…


yg 2nd lak aku nak pastikan aku lebih aktif dengan aktiviti course and aktiviti kat kampus…Sebab aku rasa last semester aku macam tak campur masyarakat la..cam dunia aku kat umah je..Tengok Faizal,Kenet,Syikin kat kebudayaan cambest je…Jeles plaks..Semester ni ade ura-ura Puan Nora nak bikin teater..projek besau plak tu… Aku akan pastikan dapat join projek tu…I want to be a part of something important!!! HUAHUA.. Cam dialog kat drama HEROES plak eh!!!


Aim terakhir aku adalah nak struggle dapat 3.00 cgpa…DAH TAKNAK KOMEN LEBEY AZAM TU.. Nak achieve boley je..struggle lebey je..hehe..Okla tula azam2 aku this semester..Doa2 kan la aku dapat capai..Tak semua,dapat satu dua cukupla..



~lala~




RESULT..RESULT...RESULT



Woi result nak kua!!!!cuak siot esophagus aku korang tau tak…mana taknya, kalo turon pointer aku sem kali ni tak ke nahas aku dengan mak bapak aku nanti..tak pasal-pasal elaun aku kene rombak balik nanti wooo.. Lagi satu malu jugak dengan rerakan yang lain yang telah menscore kan diri mereka… Dorang dapat pointer tinggi-tinggi and aku plaks dapat yang rendah..tak ke malu tu..takde isu merendah diri ye dalam hal pointer ni.ko pointer rendah je every semester, gelap la masa depan ko!!


Aku just risau kat dua paper je wei…1st paper Psychology in Education..Mencipap aku jwb paper ni dulu woi..Tough gila babi..Padahal dah study (last minit) pon terkontang kanting nak menjawap..huhu… Aku akhiri menjawab paper tu dengan pasrah kepada yang Maha Esa agar dikurniakan C+ pon takpela..tu pon aku dah bersyukor woii..Aku rasa aku dah terkena sumpahan daripada lecturer paper tu..Mana taknya, satu semester mengutok beliau..hari last class plak tak mintak restu and ampun beliau..Main tarah je sampai ke final..Bukan pe wei, mata lecturer aku ni unik sangat..Juling dia tu membuat jiwa aku tak tertahan daripada mempermainkan beliau..Everytime ada sesi Q & A dah cukup untuk membuatkan orang cuak.. Bila dia start nak tanya student, dia akan tengok muka student and cakap “You,answer the question now”…masa tu aku tau dia nak tanye aku.tapi aku masa tu dah konfius..Mata dia ni pandang siapa sebenarnye nih!!!! pandang student yang belah kanan aku ke belah kiri aku ke pandang aku!!!! Taktik aku hanyalah dengan berdiam diri sampai dia cakap “Hey you the boy with the blue shirt,answer the question now lah…” Then baru aku tau dia panggil aku..Huahua.. Tak perlulah aku reveal sapekah nama lecturer aku ni..Dah sebakul penuh dosa aku kat dia..Maapkanlah aku wahai Begum!!! OOOPSSSS!!!hehe..


2nd paper lak Report Writing..paper terbabit tak masuk final exam pon. Tapi cukup merunsingkan aku la dol..Why not???Aku,Aiman,Bob and Haizam adalah satu group..Kitorang boleh dikategorikan sebagai pemalas yang terkemuka didalam kelas…Siap ada title lg ooo..”The Course’s Lazy Bumps”.. Bangga nak mati!!! Hehe.Dahla sorang-sorang pemalas (lagi-lagi aku),pastu kitorang dijodohkan untuk satu group plaks…memang keje pon tahap cikai la…presentation aku cam ampeh…dahtu semua hantar last minit lak tu..Memang gila babun la…Ni la bahana dapat lecturer baik and sempoi,sampai kitorang terus jadi spoil brats,liat and lemak nak mampos!!! Entah dapat berapa la aku paper ni…Ya Rabbi,kurniakan daku B- pon jadila..Sumpah tak buat lagi.Huhu…Berbalik kepada penantian result ni, aku memang dah nak kena nervous breakdown ni woi…Takot syial...aku akan update balik post ni dengan result aku yang bakal di reveal in matter of time.

Cewwwaahhhh!!!!


~Doakan daku~



Balik Sudah….


Sorile coz lama sgt x post sumtin lam blog aku yang x seberape ni.. Al-maklomle bizi sangat kat kampong masa cuti ni…(bizi la sgt…) nak update blog ni pon payah sbb umah aku kat kampong mnela ade tenet..so,knela mlingkup kat Saiber Kafe yang berkejauhan 1km dari umah aku..Eh, mamposla nk g cc je wei!!!korang igt aku ni anak kepada tokey U-MOBILE ke???dah plak tu cc kt kampong aku ni cam cibai cket… speed dia laju nak mmpos..bkn bmakna laju sangat tapi korang bole tggu dpn computer tu sampai mampos korang tau !!! LEMBAB NAK MATI! Maybe sebab ramai hackers telah dilahirkan dikalangan bebudak kmpong. So, konklusyen nye bebudak ni yang telah mnggodam computer tersebot sampai jd sebegitu rupa…hukhuk.. Skang aku da sampai kat umah sewa aku kat Melaka..woi bez siot umah ni!!!mmgla aku xkn boring sbb dgn adenye kmodahan tenet 24/7 ni dtambah lagi dgn adenye kdai mamak bhampiran dmana ianya mmbolehkan daku tgk bola (bukan LIGA M ye) bsame rakan sperjuanganku Adi Carlos Moreira. Ktorang juga telah mmbuat deklarasi utk bertapa di depan lektop masing2 and ilangkan segala gian dan nafsu utk medownload,memfesbuk, memfrenster, memblogging yang telah membuak2 sejak cuti sem di kampong. HUAHUAHUA.. aku pon still konpius dgn tarikh daftar bila ni…tp maybe 29hb kot..so sambil mnunggu tarikh berikut tiba,aku and adi carlos akan menggila dan start memfaktapkan hdup kami smula dgn teknloji sedia ade.huahua..

~Home Sweet rent Home~

Sunday, December 7, 2008

JOKES...JOKES...JOKES...

Joke 1
Boy goes 4 Blood Test. Nurse takes the sample but can't find cotton so she Sucks his Finger! Boy is so happy he asks, Can I gat a Urine Test also?
Joke 2
Do u know why guys fart louder? Because in between his legs, there is 1microphone & 2 speakers.
Joke 3
A wife asks hubby how many women he had slept with? Husband proudly replies only u darling; with others I was awake!
Joke 4
A man ask doc. how to live longer? Doc ask him :U Smoke? Ans : No U drink? Ans No. U play mahjong? Ans No U like sex? Ans No. Then U want to live so long 4 what?
Joke 5
Phone rings & maid picks up phone as her master is bathing.... Wen the caller asked what is he doing, the maid replied "mastur bating"

karangan budak darjah 4 yang menyeramkan. .

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku.Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paiptidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapandengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar.Tetapi saya tidak mahu. Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena melurudengan laju dari arah belakang. Dia melanggar emak saya.





Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit "Adoi!".Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula.Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu.




Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri.Feri itu terbelah dua. Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati.Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia. lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh diudara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan.Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah.




Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu loriitu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit "Adoi..!" dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak saya menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ketempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati.




Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi.Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.




Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya kepasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah.Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati.Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati




~Lepas baca cerita ni,aku pon tkezut lalu mati~

Thursday, December 4, 2008



Married At Last....

Aku telah ke johor pada 28hb-31hb bulan lps sbb abg aku nak kawin.. Okla aku bg sdikit info mgenai abg aku.Nama dia Mohd Shaifullah bin Asaari,berumor 25thn dan bekerja sbg Welding Inspector di paip gas asli di Miri tu ha...While his wife,Nur Azura binti Mohamad Nasir lak seorang lecturer jurusan Kecantikan di Politeknik Pasir Gudang Johor dan baru mencecah 21thn..Aku xtaula cne sejarah dorang kenal dan berdayung Kaseh shgga ke pelamin.yang penting dorang skg bhgie je nmpk gayanye...Aku pon tompang gumbira la Epul!!!Tahniah sbb bjaya beberbinikan bliau..Agak hot dowh bini ko.. Mcm Zila Bakarin mse lps SPM je..huahua (mampos aku klo dia bce post ni)...

Ok berbalek kepada ekspidisi aku dan family,kitorang dari Kelantan brangkat dgn 2 buah kereta and kat Johor kang akan reunion ngan Makcik Pakcik aku yg dari Johor,Nogori Sombilan,Selangor,KL,and Singapore..Jumlah smua 8 Kereta beb..(tapi ada yang dtg masa knduri sbb mslh pginapan) Al Maklomla abg aku si Epul ni da sewa homestay (3 rumah) dkat dgn tmpt dia nak kawin tu..Manela muat nak sumbat smua..Klo dapat sumbat semua org tak ke mcm pekerja Indon and Nepal??? So,family yg umah jauh je dok kt homestay..Yang dok area jauh2,dtg time knduri jela...

Info sal majlis kawen laks...Abg aku and bini dia bernikah pada 29hb dan bersanding pada 30hb,keesokan harinya...xkn taun dpn lak kn??Mau mati kering abg aku!!! hehe..Hantaran semua RM11,000 dan mas kawen nye rm22.50 tunaaaiiiiii...Yang hantaran tu 11 dulang bebalas 9 dulang..aku xpandai sgt bnda2 cnggini..yang basic jela aku tau.huhu..Tema dorang lak warne puteh..Lawa siot..wat aku geram je nk battle dgn dorang nnt..huhu.Abg aku jgak telah mmbuat lawak mse akad nikah..haha..Aku fhm epul ko nebes kan???klo aku maybe terketar cam mesin parut nyiur..Lawaknye cmni,Ade ke patot tok kadi ckp,"Aku nikah kan dikau Mohd Shaifullah bin Asaari dengan Nur AZura bla..bla..bla.." dah abis lafaz si Kadi tu,si Epul ni pon ckp
"Aku nikah kan dikau aaaa OOOPSSS!!!"..diulangnye Tok Kadi tu ckp...Ape ko nk nikahkan kadi ye Epul????hehe.Tok Kadi troskan mnahan ke-macho-an beliau ..Aku fhm wahai kadi..klo ko gelak msti bunyi jawa totok (buruk sgt)...Aku pon xthn n gelak je,tp dgn manner la..Xkn nk bguling kot,mau aku ditikam nye d esofagus dgn keris 7 LOK yg abg aku pkai mse tu..hehe.

Apepon Epul bjaye mlafaz akad dgn smpurna slepas itu..diukir dgn snyuman sinis bliau terhadap bininya..aku xtau mksud snyuman beliau..Apekah itu bmakna bliau telah mndapat lampu hijau yang selama ini dtunggu???or dia nk buktikan yang dia mampu mlafazkan akad dgn smpurna wlupn tsalah skali?ataupon dia xtahan mnahan berak?Hanya tuhan and tuan pnye badan je yang tau...

Haaa...lupa plaks..6hb Disember kang ada kenduri sebelah lelaki plak yg akn disambot dirumah aku..aku da dapat rasa betapa letihnye aku masa tu..Tapi abg pny psl aku relakan jela..Kang masa aku kawen ko xnk tlg,SIAP!!!!hehe..Wah3, skang aku da ade sorang abg ipar,dua kak ipar...next year akak aku lak kawin...
dapat lg sorang abg ipar..smakin besar family aku!Tahniah abah n mak sbb brjaya mluaskan kawasan server!!!!Haha..BTW,aku nk doakan abg aku ni akn bbhgia slalu and dkurniakn ank yg soleh n soleh n soleh n soleh n solehah.hehe.Ko da jd laki org Epul!!!!

Aku juz dapat amek gmbo cket je masa nikah and bsanding..mana tak nye,ramai sgt kameraman,kamerawomen,kamehameha yang ade masa tu... Aku just berharap dapat kongsi smua ngan korang once aku dapat smua gmbr2 tu nnt ye..TUNGGU!!!! Apepon,berikut adalah antara gmbr2 yg smpat aku rakam semasa hari bersejarah itu..Sikit pon jadila drpd xde kn?kn?hehe








~CONGRATS EPUL~

The Blaine's Parody




Episode 3

At last dapat jgak aku ngepos episod three blaine's parody ni ha..sori la geng sbb lmbt sket.aku bcuti smggu sbb abg aku kawin daa...huhu.xpe!yang penting skang bndalah episode 3 ni da ade kn?kn?kn? korang layan jela k.Still dgn dua ekor mamat tu, blaine's parody tros mneros mmbuat aku gelak x hengat korang tau x. Ade je kerenah dorang ni tau..Huhu.xbyk nak dikomen dari aku sal video ni.kang korang tudoh aku spoil mood korang nk tgk lak. Korang faktap la dgn hdup korang ngan vido ni...ha...layannnn =p

Joke of the Week #3

"The Infant-Sized Penis"





Jim decided to propose to Sandy. But prior to her acceptance, Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts the maturity of a 12 year old's. He stated that it was okay, because he loved her so much. However, Jim felt this was the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity. Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said, "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant's, and I hope you can deal with that once we are married." She said, "Yes. I will marry you and learn to live with your infant- sized penis." Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon. Jim rushed Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, and holding one another. As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong. She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant's!" "It is . . . 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches!"