A B E 'S T E R R A I N

Hi all,

Not sure if this wan came out....too much to go thru...sorry in advance....

Turkey: So, what is my future?
Fortune Teller: You'll be migrating to a warmer climate.

Turkey: How warm?
Fortune Teller: 350C

Forwarded Mails (Might be offensive to some)

When I was born, I was given a choice - A big
d*** or a good memory.
I don't remember, what I chose.

Your birth certificate is an apology letter
from the condom factory.

A wife is a sex object.
Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'

There are only two four letter words that are
offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.

Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next
to the best thing on earth.

There are three stages of sex in a man's life:
Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity is not dignity, its lack of
opportunity.

Marriage is the only war where you get to
sleep with the enemy.

A couple just married were happy with the
whole thing.
He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with
the Thing......

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives !!

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your
burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: " Billionaire"

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha!!

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or
my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
humor.

Sorry for the long list....just spicing up the day...
Have a great one everybody...